Be Brave

“Be Brave.”

I repeated the sentence over and over hoping it’ll make some difference, but to no effect.

Death was awaiting him and there was no stopping it. I mean, I knew we were all gonna die someday, but I never saw it coming this way.

Dan was distancing himself from me thinking that would help with the pain. It didn’t. If anything, I was more miserable.

“It’ll be fine,” he had said last week when I went to visit him. “These things happen. You just need to be brave.”

He was usually always very comfortable sharing with me but I knew he was lying to me this time.

Every time I went to visit him, he’d make up an excuse to run away from confrontation. “The doc says I should get some rest”, “Did you watch the new JTV episode?”, “Do Ash and Misty ever get together, though?”

“I saw this on my desk last night,” I said entering Dan’s ward last night.

“Oh ya! I asked Rachel to drop it off. Thought you might get a laugh out of it when I’m, you know..”

“Dead? Oh, I’m gonna laugh at that, alright!” I dropped the book on the table beside him and walked away.

I didn’t visit him for the next 2 days. I realized how stupid that was but I just couldn’t get myself to see him. He was getting sicker every day and his attitude only worse. I should’ve been there to support him but I wasn’t. I should’ve fought him to let me help him. I should’ve never left.

That morning I woke up determined to rush to the hospital to tell him what I felt. How I was sorry about my attitude, how I should’ve understood him when he tried to be distant, how I never told him how much I loved him. With that resolution, I got up to see the diary I had left at Dan’s room 2 days ago back on my desk. I finally opened it.

Dear Diary,

This is an extremely stupid idea but my teachers seem to think this is good for one’s psychological well-being. I could use some psychological wellbeing considering how I’m GOING CRAZY!

I have a friend, Elizabeth, who is probably the most wonderful human being on the planet and the friendship with whom I consider the most sacred thing (man, I wish she never reads this) is also somebody I am very much in love with.

Now, it might seem like I probably don’t even know what love is, (‘Seem’? To whom! This is a diary! This isn’t for somebody to read, jackass!) but oh if this isn't love, what is?

I can’t go a day without thinking about her if I don’t see her one day I get uncomfortable and not talking to her drives me crazy.

The other day-

My moment of glory was short lived when I heard the ring on my phone. I picked it up. On the other side was Joseph, Dan’s brother. “Elizabeth?”

“Ya. Joey, are you okay? You seem a little shaken.”

“It’s…. Dan.”

I drove-breaking every possible traffic rule- to the hospital and saw him be taken away. Daniel George. My first love. My everything. Gone.